Friday, April 11, 2008

The Divergence...Again

i've once posted about the divergence in my blog but it was about a lost biri-biri that was stuck in the middle of the crossroads not knowing which path to take back to its barn.

i guess i'm now the lost kid.

i attended the last tutorial this morning and handed in my final year project that sumhow marks the end of the 4 year span throughout my university years. fingers crossed that i pass all my papers that concludes it officially at the beginning of may and i'm as free as a bird...

you say...

it comes to the thoughts of many on why i hesitate in graduating. i can name countless dominant reasons in a snap of my sweaty fingers. i live a life where i get an amount of money sufficient and comfortable enough for me to last 1 whole month and i get the comfort to enjoy particularly long holidays between my semester breaks. i get to hang out with a bunch of my frens i'm so comfortable with and i need not worry about political affairs that involve bad-mouthing or spurious characters because i know where i stand exactly and who understands me. i get to express my opinions during classes without the need to really take responsibility as it will only be considered as providing my avid reasonings to support my facts and answers and best of all...i do not need to have a rigid working life breaking the wonderful morning momentum by getting myself stuck in an office wearing a collared button down shirt, pants and heels. i can go to class in my garfield tshirt with holes and a pair of shorts okay...(of course i don't la...:D)...and i do not need to worry that i have to work as sumthing i totally have no interest in.

lynnie, datin and sooyin mentioned how emo they were after attending the final lessons this morning. it didn't really sink it to me that it's really about time to start thinking about the future until nat started asking what i really wanted to do. i can never really explain what i want...because it seems pretty surreal...i strongly believe that i would be able to do it but there are circumstances that i would have to meet before doing it and to do that simply means i'd be irresponsible and hard headed?...i feel la...because i've never tried and i might be looking at it in a very shallow way omitting all the complexity that might sink in. but then i wouldn't be contented working in an office around town writing and talking my day away until i get a chance in the far seize an opportunity in advancing in the business that i want...i knw la daddy always says...'you'd have to start sumwhere low! can't expect too much as a fresh grad'...

i know la...just that to be able to start needs mental preparation and courage. it's a new phase of life...not working on another school project. and everyone around me seems to be incredibly bold in stepping into the working world in another country without the concerns that i have. it's actually the norm in my family to settle down with a secured job, balancing career and family all at once...i love my family...which makes it terribly hard for me to embark on a career away from home...cheh...mengade sial. like datin said...the only problem that's obstructing me is that i can't seem to leave home.

no problem wan okay. i have a home to turn to...and i feel best there. but because of that it sparks concerns...sumtimes too much. so they believe that it's best i stay near. no not's daddy. lol! nat was right over the lunch date we had the other day...she's always right...i know. which makes her the only choice i can run to for the best advice. just that i'm born to always think too big...therefore the ignorance and denial even if deep down i agree. WAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

everyone goes through this phase don't they? why liddat?! can do whatever we like at the correct times kan bagus?!?!?! sien oni waste my time typing so many words...must be the lenny krevitz song...daddy and mommy would most probably cut my allowances down 50% after reading this...WEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!


REMINDER- L IS FUCKING GOOD! SUKKAAA SIALLLLL!!!!!! bt the song makes me emo... space jam. dun like emo posts!!! so effing long summore...tsk tsk

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